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2002-12-13 ~ 6:58 a.m.
Listening to: This entry was meant to be posted last night around 10:30, but my Internet had a nervous breakdown, and as a result it's being posted today, at 6:58 in the morning. Enjoy. Listening to: The Kingdom Hearts theme song, which SHM compelled me to download. I'm not sure what I think about anything that he asked me to download. It's cool, but not really my bag. I can understand why people would like it, though. Alritey. What to talk about? Hm, well uh... I don't have any homework. None. This is a miracle. I seriously have nothing due immediately. Things due on Monday, yes. But we're not counting them. Tomorrow I'm going on back to the dermatologist and then I'm going shopping. Muahahaha. I'm going Christmas shopping, mostly. But on Saturday my mom is doing her shopping and I get to bring Lindsay and spend $100 on whatever I may need. I love my Mommy. Or, at least, I love her when she's nice. I decided two days ago to cut back on my food intake. My willpower has kept me going for the past 48 hours, but who knows what could happen now?? Last year I didn't eat a lot at all, and also I got a big workout sprinting all over the school during 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th periods. I didn't take a lunch and I didn't usually eat anything when I got home, either. So this year, when I actually have a lunch and I suddenly have the urge to incessantly snack at home, I have the feeling I've gained a few of those 10 pounds back. Yuck-o. I guess I'm just a slave to the media, but I've always believed that being skinny would make me a better person. Honestly though, when a person is fit--not just skinny, but fit, you can tell that they take good care of themselves. I don't want to look like I'm careless with my health. And I also don't like not fitting into clothes. Yeah. That's never good. Every since I was about 10, though, I've been conscious of my weight. It was like my fantasy to be skinny. And that fantasy still holds true today. It's not like I think that losing weight would totally transform me into this totally hot heartbreaker or anything--I'd still be weird and insecure--but I should would feel a hell of a lot better about myself. I used to cry in dressing rooms when I was around 12, because nothing ever fit me the way that they did on everyone else. Of course, I've grown out of that embarrassing stage. Now I kick the wall instead. And I know that everyone has something about themselves that irks them, and they complain that OMG my skin is so bad, my hair sucks, my nose is too big. But I can list one good physical quality about all of the people I know that completely cancels out their other physical downfall. And for myself? I can't say anyone can do that for me. I'm fat, I'm short, my legs are ugly, my face is squished-in, my hair is gross, my fingers are stubby, and my skin is acne-ridden and discolored. I probably forgot a few, too. And I know that looks aren't everything, and I'm being totally superficial right now. But no one can disagree, looks are important. Your appearance is the only thing that people can base their first impression on. I don't know who said this, but I totally agree that "when I see a girl, the first thing I think is DEFINITELY not 'Wow...check out the morals on that one...'" I'm not sure how I started out this entry, but I didn't mean to end it on such a sour note. Let's think of something happy. I got an 8/9 on my DBQ!! Highest grade in the class. Gloat, gloat, gloat. Goodnight, D-Land!
Falling Upward ~ Falling Downward
Miss Anything? i'm portable - 2005-02-16 busy making big mistakes - 2004-06-12 i'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you - 2004-03-21 hello darkness - 2004-03-17 another night slips away - 2004-03-15
All words � MM 2001-03 |
>Who<
>Fun<
>Design<
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