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2002-02-19 ~ 4:41 p.m.
Listening to: Listening to: "Perfect Day" by Hoku. It's such a fun song. I needed a cheer-me-up song after today. Well, today was the placement audition. I auditioned on the flute, which was definitely not my instrument of choice. In the least amount of words possible, I bombed it. I was so extremely unimaginably bad. I'm really not exaggerating. I messed up on every aspect--the scale, the solo, the sight reading. However, I think I may have pinpointed the reasons that I did so bad. 1. I was already stressed out. I don't know why, but I was unnecessarily nervous for this audition. 2. The stress increased when I kept speeding up the tempo during my first sight reading. Mr. Keleher (one of the band directors) kept asking me to play it over again. Then I just kind of gave up on the second sight reading and played whatever I wanted. That was probably a mistake. 3. I had this idea that I had somewhat of an advantage over the rest of the flute section (except for Lindsay--she's just better than the rest of us). I have no clue why. I know I'm better than most of them, and I used to be pretty proud of that because I've had the same training as most of them (lessons from the elementary school teacher, haha) and I just turned out better. Or so I thought. I guess I was wrong and I am on the same level as them. Wow. That's really depressing. Anyway, I was totally overwhelmed after I finished my audition and before I even got back into the band room I was crying. I don't really care right now what other people thought of that, but I was really embarassed when Mr. Keleher came in and saw me before I had calmed down. He probably thinks I overreact to things. Which I do. But I can pretend I don't. Actually, a lot of people were pretty supportive when they saw me so upset. I kind of wanted them to leave it be, but it felt kind of nice to have everyone care. What felt kind of weird was that Lindsay said nothing even as I was sitting rite next to her and crying. I didn't really know what she thought--if I was overreacting or whatever. Or maybe she just wanted to let me sort out my feelings by myself. Which I don't mind, I guess. I mean Julie Drezner and Talia and Lisa were all there reassuring me and stuff so it's not like I was just sitting there wallowing in my misery. Hey wallowing in my misery that's a pretty good phrase... So, I have calmed down and I'm not upset anymore. One thing that definitely contributed to that was that today I had an extremely wholesome conversation with a guy in my Journalism class (who shall be hereafter referred to as "RM" to protect my reputation) who I've kind of liked in a friendly way for a while. I don't really loooove him like I loooove Greg Raposo, but he's funny and nice and not weird like a lot of the guys in my school. Anyway. We were talking about movies and we walked out of the classroom, down the hallway, around the corner, and down to the girls' locker room where I saw Julie and had to walk with her instead. One thing I noticed was that we were walking extremely close together. I really don't think I was imagining it. Really. lol. Well my mother is calling me for dinner so I think I'd better stop here. I might write again later.
Falling Upward ~ Falling Downward
Miss Anything? i'm portable - 2005-02-16 busy making big mistakes - 2004-06-12 i'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you - 2004-03-21 hello darkness - 2004-03-17 another night slips away - 2004-03-15
All words � MM 2001-03 |
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