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2002-10-09 ~ 6:08 p.m.
Listening to: Listening to: An old mix CD that my dad made a while ago. It's like all old songs. We-ell I don't really have to write an entry right now because I should be reading my History, but I have some things I really want to say, namely to Lindsay. So, yeah, anyone who isn't Linds can kinda skip over this one, unless you want to see me getting all emotional and crap. So yeah Linds, it's a whole lot easier for me to express myself in writing, you know that. And we both know that it takes a lot more guts to say things like what I'm about to say in person (not to scare you or anything--this isn't a "things I don't like about you" entry, kay? Promise.), but I'm just really bad at saying things at the right moments because I need time to think about the perfect thing to say and the best points to bring up. I can't be like those guys on Whose Line who always say the right things exactly on cue. Which is why it might seem like I'm not exactly being supportive sometimes. But really, I care. I just don't know how to get a handle on my thoughts. That's why this newest entry of yours (about the grades) is really getting to me. I feel like I should be trying to help you, or something, because I've been through this. But honestly, I've never been in a situation like this before, where I am the one who needs to give aid. You have to understand, I've always felt like you were the smarter one, that you never needed my help when it came to academic stuff like this. And I'll admit it, a couple of times when you got worse grades than me, I thought to myself, "Well, good, now she knows how I felt for all of last year." Cause really, has there been a school year at all where you haven't gotten straight A's or B's in every class? It's really hard for me to relate to you when you say stuff like "All my teachers always loved me and I always got straight A's, and well I just always did my homework." Not that I don't love you to death or anything, but sometimes I get to feeling a tad inferior. But enough about me. Now that you're not doing so hot even as the year's progressing, I'm starting to get worried. Remember, what you're feeling now is exactly how I felt all year last year. I know it well. You're disappointed and you're wondering why everything bad is happening now, and not at a different time, and well it just sucks. But I'm not trying to depress you or anything--I'm just asking you to remember that I know how it feels, and to remember that I'm always here to talk or to give advice or even just to listen. You're the best friend I could ever ask for and all I can do is try and help. Dammit now I'm crying. I'm sorry I can't tell you this in person or even online, but I didn't feel so strongly about this until I read your entry. But I don't think all of this would have come out so eloquently if I had tried to verbalize rather than write it out. Anyway. When your grades start going up again (and I know they will--it's only the first interim right?), this offer will still stand. I'm always here, okay? Okay. Well I've got to eat dinner now. Hope you feel a little better :)
Falling Upward ~ Falling Downward
Miss Anything? i'm portable - 2005-02-16 busy making big mistakes - 2004-06-12 i'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you - 2004-03-21 hello darkness - 2004-03-17 another night slips away - 2004-03-15
All words � MM 2001-03 |
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