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2002-11-26 ~ 4:19 p.m.
Listening to: Listening to: "How deep is your love/how deep is your love?/I really need to learn/Cause we're livin' in a world of foooools/Breakin' us down/When they all should let us be/we belong to you and me..." How true, how true. Okay, attention everyone who's been reading my diary: Throw my whole SHM thing out the window. Okay, maybe not. (Overreaction Scale: 9) I still would absolutely love it if something happened between us, or even if we just became better friends. But today something happened with PF (shut up Julie!) that totally changed my outlook on this whole situation... Basically what happened was that I had a reality check. I looked around me and took it all into observation. I really wanted to get to know SHM better, but I took it to an extreme. But I already kind of know PF, and we're pretty good friends. I can vent to him and joke around and be totally casual, but some days I feel like it starts to move to a level of more-than-friendship. Today was one of those days. The situation is kind of hard to explain, but what basically happened was that I was getting frustrated at a certain teacher (and at the whole school, for that matter) and PF calmed me down and made me feel really safe and secure. Which I am attracted to, who wouldn't be? And there is also a "phsyical" aspect to the relationship between PF and me, something that is completely non-existent for the other Special Boys. It's not the REAL "physical" aspect, like the kind on Sex and the City; what I mean is that we actually come into physical contact with each other...like he'll touch my hand or my shoulder or something, or I'll turn around and grab his hand if I'm nervous for a test. OOH! you are all saying, WHAT A BIG DEAL(except not)! But it is for me. He wouldn't touch me if he though I was gross or unattractive, right? See? Ha. So right now I am just way too confused to try and take anything into my own hands. I'm just going to return to the way I used to act, and if something happens between me and SHM or me and PF, that's perfect. I'm not going to focus my attention on one guy anymore. That's not what life is all about, is it? Of course not. And I apologize to all of you who have been completely uninterested in my recent entries. My past, what, 6 entries have been completely boys-related, and I intend to stop that after this entry. Sure, I'll have some boy-frontier updates in every entry, but none completely devoted to freaking out. I swear. In conclusion, boys are stupid because they make girls act this way.
Falling Upward ~ Falling Downward
Miss Anything? i'm portable - 2005-02-16 busy making big mistakes - 2004-06-12 i'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you - 2004-03-21 hello darkness - 2004-03-17 another night slips away - 2004-03-15
All words � MM 2001-03 |
>Who<
>Fun<
>Design<
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