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2003-03-11 ~ 11:14 p.m.
Listening to: Listening to: Some...stuff...yeah. I'm in a really foul mood right now. I don't know what it is, but every little thing is getting to me. American Idol was really unimpressive in my opinion, and then I came online and like every person I did NOT want to talk to began talking to me, and then Lindsay called and we disagreed on like everything we talked about. These things actually happen to me a lot every day, but tonight in particular I've really just had enough. I'm tired of my life. Not tired of it as in, OMG I hate the world I want to die, but tired as in "Everything bores me and I want something new to begin." Spain was supposed to be my big adventure, but I got an email from the teachers saying that our trip is on hold until the principal evaluates it for like safety and whatnot, considering we will be travelling to a foreign country during a foreign relations crisis. I think that's stupid. The sentiments in Europe are anti-goverment, not anti-American. I've talked to all of the Spaniards, and althought they deeply resent their president for siding with the US, they haven't got a single thing against me or the American people in general. Can't speak for every citizen of Spain, but at least I know the one I'm going to live with doesn't hate me. Anyway, I'm getting off-topic. So yeah, my big exciting event of a lifetime, looks like it might be cancelled. I should have seen it coming. Nothing ever goes my way when I want it to. Why does everything in my life have to be such a huge ordeal? I've also given up all hope on high school guys. I don't think I'm on the same thinking level as most high school guys. Either they are way too smart and cool for me, or they are endlessly annoying, or they are like drug addicts or binge-drinkers. There's no in-between. And it seems like every time I find a guy who might be worthy of my affections, after I learn things about him, I begin to dislike him. As if I were more in favor of idol worship than actually liking someone for who they are, flaws and all. But the sad thing is, it's true. I have a hard time dealing with a person's inconsistensies and bad characteristics. I feel like I could change them to be more open-minded, or to be less outspoken, but a) I can't and b) their close-mindedness or outspokenness is what makes that person who they are, and what right do I have to try and change that? It's frustrating because I realize what I'm doing wrong, and yet I still do it just because....I don't even know why. Another thing...It bothers me when people don't agree. I'm like, why can't you just be open enough to see my point of view? You don't have to agree with it, but can you at least acknowledge it and accept the fact that I am going to think this way, and you probably can't stop me unless you say something really profound. I can only complain about this because I do my best to be like this. I find myself looking at both sides of the argument, finding the flaws and downfalls of each, and never fully taking a side. I don't like to fully support one side of an argument without taking a look at the other side, just because I think it makes people look really ignorant. But there are those times...when I'm just so exasperated with the fact that me and some person will not just agree to disagree, that they're trying to tell me that their side is right, my side is wrong...I lose it. One of my biggest personality flaws. No patience. I can't even type this right now without feeling frustrated just thinking about it. Wow, very very off-topic. Wasn't I talking about high-school guys? Anyway, I think I was about over with that subject, but either way, even though it's fun to think a guy is hot and pursue him--at least it keeps me occupied and motivated during the day--I don't think in the long run that any of the guys I know right now are going to be making a big impact on my life later. Uggggh. This entry just made me more pissed off. Usually writing in here helps me clear my mind, but right now I'm just like, rrrrr, rrraaaaaaaaagh, ::eye twitches:: whyyyyyyyyyyyy? Thinking makes me tired. I'm off to bed. Hopefully I won't be as ridiculously angry as I am now. Goodnight, D-land.
Falling Upward ~ Falling Downward
Miss Anything? i'm portable - 2005-02-16 busy making big mistakes - 2004-06-12 i'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you - 2004-03-21 hello darkness - 2004-03-17 another night slips away - 2004-03-15
All words � MM 2001-03 |
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