|
|
2003-03-20 ~ 10:43 p.m.
Listening to: Listening to: "I just want someone/who I can talk to/I want you just the way you are!" Diaryland, you're really starting piss me off lately! Can I just write my entry and be on my way? You're killing me here. God. So much has happened in the past two days. It'll be hard to touch on all the things I wanted to say in here. Let's try though. So, war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing? Well, I don't know. But looks like there's no way out right now, and I have nothing left to say except that I am praying for our boys (and girls!!) in Kuwait right now. They are the true American Idols to me right now. I don't know if I agree with the cause they're fighting for, but I have respect for them and I feel for them. War was inevitable, in my eyes. We were gonna declare war regardless of how many protests took place all over the world. I just never thought it would feel like this. I'm not particularly interested in the play-by-play details of every single strike and air attack we make on Iraq. I just want to know that we're making progress on something and not entering into something that's just going to be passed onto the next generation. That's all I want. To be sure, school is the last place I want to be at a time like this. If something of September 11th proportions happens again in this country, I'm calling my mother, she is driving TO my school FROM the plant in Conshohocken, and I am going home and not leaving until everything's all right again. Okay, maybe not. But I would want to be with my family, definitely. I think one the hardest things for me to do today was to focus on school-related things while I knew that in the bigger picture, something much more important was happening. I mean, who cares if I don't pass my Geometry test? In the future, it will affect me 110% less than the outcome of this war will. I want to care. But I just don't. On a smaller scale of things... Spain? Cancelled. Well, not fully. The trip's been postponed until the April of 2004. I am too upset for words. I couldn't even cry. I just kind of went into a catatonic state and stared at the floor for a little, letting the weight of this verdict settle in. I will have to wait for another year and three months to see Elena again. So much can change in that much time...the memories of her trip to the States will be old and less vivid...what if we don't like each other anymore? What if, in April of 2004, the world is an even worse condition than it is now? Yikes. Knock on wood, I don't mean that. Just throwing it out as a possibility. Either way, I am just really resentful towards people in general. And I know that all of my Spanish exchange friends wanted to go next April anyway, except for one. But she won't be there to feel sad with me while all the others are like hooray we got what we wanted but Melissa is the most unhappy person in the world. On an even smaller scale: My NEW CD player? STOLEN SO pissed off at the world right now. This is obviously some kind of payback, karma thing. I made up an excuse about my 1st CD player being stolen, when really I lost it and didn't want my parents to be like IRRESPONSIBLE! And then when I had already ordered another one, my bus driver found my old one, and I lied to my parents and told them the office found it sitting in the girl's locker room. And my parents let me keep the new one anyway. And now what happens? Someone steals my new one FOR REAL, and I'm back where I started, with an old CD player and a bad reputation for being careless. Plus, now I'me $50 poorer. This is why I do not doubt there is a God. Someone out there wanted me to learn a lesson. This kind of irony does not happen to virtuous people. Divine intervention? Perhaps. Or, someone could have just seen me putting my new CD player into my locker, noticed that I forgot to lock it, and went in and stole it. Because PEOPLE ARE SO DISGUSTINGLY RUDE and have NO respect for anyone's PERSONAL POSSESSIONS. God, the world I live in. I'm moving to Switzerland. I'll bet no one steals there. ... On top of all this, I'm as sick as a...sick person. I'm so sick I can't even come up with witty analogies. You see that? I wake up every morning and it feels like someone stuffed huge amounts of cotton balls up my nose, and then took some more cotton balls and stuck them into my throat, and then beat me in the head with a meat tenderizrt 57 times. And people expect me to walk around and, like, function? I'm not Wonder Woman for Christ's sake. Let me rest! Yes, let me rest. I'm too tired to be alive. So goodnight, D-land, hope you enjoyed my mindless babbling.
Falling Upward ~ Falling Downward
Miss Anything? i'm portable - 2005-02-16 busy making big mistakes - 2004-06-12 i'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you - 2004-03-21 hello darkness - 2004-03-17 another night slips away - 2004-03-15
All words � MM 2001-03 |
>Who<
>Fun<
>Design<
|
|
|
