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2003-03-24 ~ 10:19 p.m.
Listening to: Listening to: What will it take till you believe in me? The way that I believe in you? Today seemed pointless. Pointless with a capital "P." Once again my life returns to being a task. I feel like I could be doing more, but I'm weighted down, trying to fulfill the criteria of a "well-rounded person." Why did I choose that? Why?? Sometimes I get the feeling that society's idea of the most suitable life to lead will eventually hinder me. My options right now? Continue attending high school for the next 2 years, never rank higher than mediocre, go to some private college in Pennsylvania, get a job, get married, have kids, retire. So far, it looks like this path I'm headed down, that I've basically psyched myself up for, won't leave much time for a lot fun stuff that I always thought would be really cool to do--travel the world, take road trips, learn how to play the harp ;) I know I'm just a kid and I have so much stuff to learn, and so much time to try new things. But Mondays like this, where I can basically map out what will be happening every single day of the week, I get so restless. There are kids my age who are movie stars. They're doing what the love. You know what I love? I love to write. Am I an author? No, dammit, I'm a sophomore at Cherry Hill High School East. I haven't done anything for myself. And I know, that's all my fault. But it's hard to meet the standards of others while also trying to meet my own personal goals. I have begun to think that my own personal goals have been influenced by the standards of others, though. When I was younger, my only goal in life was to have a book published. Now what are my goals? Score over a 1200 on my SATs, rank in the top 10% of my class, make in into a good college with a full scholarship, get a Masters in something, become a high school English teacher (now I am also considering being a History teacher, though), find someone of the opposite sex who loves and cares for me and for whom I return that love, have at least one child and raise him/her to be a success...and then, maybe, if I have the time...have a book published. It's sad how things get pushed back like that for goals that seem more important and yet aren't at all. Being a published author has been one of my dreams since I was young...but looks like it's on hold until all my other dreams have been fulfilled. Anyway, how are you guys doing? I enjoy feedback, remember? Just had to slip that link in. I saw Whatever It Takes on Comedy Central today. Wow. Shane West and James Franco, TOGETHER, in ONE MOVIE. I died. I can't believe I hated this movie when I saw it in theaters! It's just a run-of-the-mill teen movie, but it has its shining moments. Particularly during the close-ups of Shane West...::drools:: AHEM. You know what movies I really want to see? Soylent Green and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I really enjoy creep-me-out sci-fi movies, like the Twilight Zone and stuff...it's exciting to be held in suspense. I have heard a lot about those two movies from my dad, who also enjoys sci-fi flicks, but I've yet to see either of them. I think I'll rent them one day and watch them. Not alone, though. And not with my dad, because he'll like poke me during a scary part and give me a coronary. And not with Lindsay because she didn't like E.T. so she won't like these movies. Dammit. I need a boyfriend. Another dream of mine. ::sigh:: Some dreams were not meant to come true. Alright. I'm tired. I must leave you all now. Adieu to you, and you, and you.
Falling Upward ~ Falling Downward
Miss Anything? i'm portable - 2005-02-16 busy making big mistakes - 2004-06-12 i'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you - 2004-03-21 hello darkness - 2004-03-17 another night slips away - 2004-03-15
All words � MM 2001-03 |
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