|
|
2004-03-07 ~ 2:38 p.m.
Listening to: "One Angry Dwarf," Ben Folds Today I came really, really close to creating a new diary, thinking I'd leave an entry in here saying "I need a change. My life has changed, my needs have changed, blah blah blah." So I actually created a username and experimented with one of my old custom templates. Then I went and looked at this diary and read some of my old entries. And I realized that I just can't part with this one yet. I look back at the summer before sophomore year, when I wrote in here every day without fail. And I really miss that. I forget how I used to do that. I forget why I used to do that. But I want to again. I just hope that I have enough to talk about. Maybe the reason I stopped writing in here every day is because I have found more people I feel comfortable sharing the details of my life with, and I don't have to constantly store them in here. But I realize that I still want to store the details of my life in here, because it helps me to remember how I was as a person at certain times. And it's especially cool to look back and realize that I've matured a lot as a person in some aspects, and that I'm still the same person in other aspects. And I'm afraid of losing that ability. So here I go again with the rekindling of the daily entries. I don't know if this will succeed but at least I am trying. May I just announce that there are 19 DAYS LEFT UNTIL I LEAVE FOR ESPA�A YEAH I KNOW THAT'S LESS THAN 3 WEEKS AM I COOL OR WHATTTT Eep!! This is going to be one of those experiences I remember for the rest of my life. I've made a decision to just let myself enjoy the culture while I'm there. If that means putting myself into some unfamiliar situations, then that's how it's going to have to be. I need to live it up while I'm young and resilient enough to do so. And HOLY CRAP I'M GOING TO SPAIN. Ooooooh! And in less than two weeks I'm going to see John Mayer and Guster again. What an unbelievable combination. One of my friends made me really, really upset with this article he sent me. It talked about how John Mayer resents playing shows for teenage girls who scream his lyrics, and would rather be rocking out blues-style in some smoky club in Chicago. That made me feel shallow and naive--being drawn into some kind of false image while the artist himself is trying to escape it. I feel like part of the problem. However, I did watch Any Given Thursday on DVD and he did seem like he was having a pretty good time. He does infuse a lot of blues into his solos, and they seem to be well-appreciated even if the audience has no idea what they're hearing. So it's not like he's completely given up his blues-guitar dreams for a life of teen idol-dom. He's doing his best to balance sudden fame with humility and staying true to his roots. And I really admire him for that. So last night I hung out with Juliane and Lauren for the first time in a while and I realized how much I miss them. As much as being a member of a certain "group" gives you a sense of belonging and a comfort in that sense, I miss being a sort of social butterfly with a bunch of really close friends. For a while now my life has revolved around a group of certain people and while I love to spend time with them, and have no intention of stopping, I am also seeing that I am neglecting a lot of my other friends who mean a lot to me and I don't want to lose. Maybe part of the reason I haven't been writing in here recently is because I've gotten better at expressing my feelings about certain topics to people instead of a computer screen. As I was typing al l that stuff up there, I got the urge to tell someone about it. Before I didn't have anyone to confide in except for Lindsay really, so I would just wait for her to read it and then we wouldn't have to talk about it because she knows what I mean all the time anyway. Now there's not only Lindsay, but a whole bunch of other people who I really enjoy talking with. And I find a different joy in conversing with all of them, and I share only certain things with certain people. I guess I'm lucky to be able to do that. But there are some times when my emotions aren't meant for anyone to understand, and I just want to purge them from my system and move on. And I guess that's where the online journals come into play. But I got addicted to Xanga and found myself writing entries about things that were best left either unspoken, or shared with one person. That's where I made my mistake. That's why I'm giving up Xanga for Lent, and possibly for good. ::throws confetti:: SO okay ahh Peter Pan, the greatest fairy tale ever told, comes out on DVD May 4th... how about let's have a 3-month long celebration of the most wonderful boy who ever lived. Okay? OKAY! Woot. This entry's the longest thing EVER. I'm going to stop now.
Falling Upward ~ Falling Downward
Miss Anything? i'm portable - 2005-02-16 busy making big mistakes - 2004-06-12 i'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you - 2004-03-21 hello darkness - 2004-03-17 another night slips away - 2004-03-15
All words � MM 2001-03 |
>Who<
>Fun<
>Design<
|
|
|
